STANDARD ISSUE PUNK ROCK ZINE!

STANDARD ISSUE was a real, live, blood 'n' guts, punk rock zine from Ottawa, Canada and it was totally rad and all the cool kids liked it.

WE DON'T DO REVIEWS OR INTERVIEWS ANYMORE! DON'T EMAIL US ABOUT EITHER! AND WE NEVER REVIEWED DIGITAL COPIES OF ANYTHING SO DOUBLE DON'T BOTHER EMAILING US ABOUT THAT! THANKS!

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STOP SENDING US SHIT FOR REVIEW; WE DON'T DO THAT SHIT ANYMORE!

REVIEW - NEW SWEARS - FUNNY ISN’T REAL cassette (Bruised Tongue, Ottawa)
(Written by Ben Jensen)

You’ve read the STANDARD ISSUE interview, now read the STANDARD ISSUE album review!

It’s amazing that a group of guys that parties as hard as Ottawa garage punks NEW SWEARS do still has the time, energy, neural functions and fine motor skills to make an album this good.  On top of that, they work full-time jobs… at least when their partying hasn’t landed them on disability (that is not a joke; that shit’s a reality for these dudes).

Not to mention the laundry list of obstacles these guys have had to overcome over and over again: hangovers, pissed beds, weekly hospital visits, being born with zero survival instincts, living in a house that’s basically third-world-conditions but with running water and smaller random animals wandering through (squirrels, mostly).

But at the same time, if your brain can overcome the paradox of how it’s possible these seemingly barely-functioning guys managed to make a great album, it sounds basically what you’d expect it to sound like: a sloppy, chaotic, wasted, bottle-smashing, kitchen skateboarding, basement crowd-surfing, penis-on-the-wall-drawing, amateur tattoo exhibit, insanely fun party.  Basically, the soundtrack to every weekend at the band’s house (The Fun Boy Club House, in case you didn’t know… MEAN JEANS and TYVEK know; they’ve played there).  Do yourself a favour and look up NEW SWEARS’ music videos for some prime party footage.

For all you literalists out there, I guess I’ll break it down in an FFO manner: these guys sound like FIDLAR, DAVILA 666, BLACK LIPS and SMITH WESTERNS.  Almost every track is sung by all four dudes in unison, there’s plenty of variety, awesome hooks, EVERYTHING’S catchy, there’s no opportunity to get bored.  I’m TELLIN’ YA to your FACE: these degenerates can write the HELL out of a song!  Like those other bands I mentioned, these guys are obviously into the sound of those inner city hood teenagers of the ’60s who were genuinely trying to make pop music but just couldn’t shake their rough edges (thank christ).

If you’re a fan of any or all or some of the bands I listed, check these guys out.  They aren’t just another band trying to sound like them.  They’re probably ready to be among them.  Snag a copy of the limited run BRUISED TONGUE cassette before they sell out.  This is being released on LP by New Mexico’s DIRT CULT in a while.  Anyway, just in case I wasn’t clear, or you’re a bonehead, or both: highly recommended.  Top ten of the year material, for sure.  NOT SHITTY

A review of the album’s artwork:  I’m not a fan of non-live, posed group shots, but ski masks, weaponry, and dingy surroundings always help. NOT SHITTY

LISTEN TO THE WHOLE ALBUM OVER HERE: NEWSWEARS.BANDCAMP.COM

REVIEW - NEW SWEARS - FUNNY ISN’T REAL cassette (Bruised Tongue, Ottawa)

(Written by Ben Jensen)

You’ve read the STANDARD ISSUE interview, now read the STANDARD ISSUE album review!

It’s amazing that a group of guys that parties as hard as Ottawa garage punks NEW SWEARS do still has the time, energy, neural functions and fine motor skills to make an album this good.  On top of that, they work full-time jobs… at least when their partying hasn’t landed them on disability (that is not a joke; that shit’s a reality for these dudes).

Not to mention the laundry list of obstacles these guys have had to overcome over and over again: hangovers, pissed beds, weekly hospital visits, being born with zero survival instincts, living in a house that’s basically third-world-conditions but with running water and smaller random animals wandering through (squirrels, mostly).

But at the same time, if your brain can overcome the paradox of how it’s possible these seemingly barely-functioning guys managed to make a great album, it sounds basically what you’d expect it to sound like: a sloppy, chaotic, wasted, bottle-smashing, kitchen skateboarding, basement crowd-surfing, penis-on-the-wall-drawing, amateur tattoo exhibit, insanely fun party.  Basically, the soundtrack to every weekend at the band’s house (The Fun Boy Club House, in case you didn’t know… MEAN JEANS and TYVEK know; they’ve played there).  Do yourself a favour and look up NEW SWEARS’ music videos for some prime party footage.

For all you literalists out there, I guess I’ll break it down in an FFO manner: these guys sound like FIDLAR, DAVILA 666, BLACK LIPS and SMITH WESTERNS.  Almost every track is sung by all four dudes in unison, there’s plenty of variety, awesome hooks, EVERYTHING’S catchy, there’s no opportunity to get bored.  I’m TELLIN’ YA to your FACE: these degenerates can write the HELL out of a song!  Like those other bands I mentioned, these guys are obviously into the sound of those inner city hood teenagers of the ’60s who were genuinely trying to make pop music but just couldn’t shake their rough edges (thank christ).

If you’re a fan of any or all or some of the bands I listed, check these guys out.  They aren’t just another band trying to sound like them.  They’re probably ready to be among them.  Snag a copy of the limited run BRUISED TONGUE cassette before they sell out.  This is being released on LP by New Mexico’s DIRT CULT in a while.  Anyway, just in case I wasn’t clear, or you’re a bonehead, or both: highly recommended.  Top ten of the year material, for sure.  NOT SHITTY

A review of the album’s artwork:  I’m not a fan of non-live, posed group shots, but ski masks, weaponry, and dingy surroundings always help. NOT SHITTY



LISTEN TO THE WHOLE ALBUM OVER HERE: NEWSWEARS.BANDCAMP.COM

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